It was late Winter, 1990 and the job hunt was in full swing. I had just returned from a trip to NYC with a half dozen other fellas for a round of interviews at Salomon, Prudential Securities and Drexel Burnham Lambert. Yes, that Drexel. I did eventually get a job offer from Drexel, but it was less than two weeks before complete meltdown and the writing was on the wall, and their offer came with the disclaimer of “if it makes sense”. And yet I digress. Back on a Friday, and Monday morning at 730am the phone rings (one of those sweet land lines), and since it’s Senior year, no one is up, and I answer with a “hellrowuh?”
Them: Good morning, may I please speak with Dave Vockell?
Me: This is he.
Them: This is Jenny from HR at Prudential Securities. Your drug test came back positive for morphine. Do you have any idea why you might have tested positive?
Me: Who is this?
Them: Jenny, from Prudential Securities.
Me: No really, who is it?
Them: Mr. Vockell, it’s important that I try to understand how you might have tested positive for morphine. Are you currently under a doctor’s care?
Me: Morphine? What college student is hooked on morphine. Albert from Little House on the Prairie was hooked on morphine. Who is this?
Them: Mr. Vockell, unfortunately our policy is that in the event that a candidate tests positive for a controlled substance that their application is withdrawn and we will not consider them for employment for at least six months.
This was when I woke up a little bit more and realized it wasn’t a joke. I had tested positive for morphine. I went that morning to a local lab and my blood was clear, but Pru didn’t care. Obviously in the long run it was for the best, and roommate Mike McConnell praised my ability to summon the ghost of Albert Ingalls in a moment of half-awake crisis.