I have decided to become more deliberate in the specific development of character with The Fellas. We’ve each now got a moleskin book with our name and Vockell Rules on the front. Over time we’re going to write in the ideas and guidelines that define us as Vockells.
We started with Rule #1, but we will add them in sporadic order to make them feel more natural. I will try to introduce them as context presents itself, not as another thing to sit through and learn. I’m also going to frame the introduction with a) write it down, b) give me an example of this rule in effect, and 3) draw a picture of this rule in action.
For as long as The Fellas remember they have heard me say “what is my number one job?” and the response is “keep us safe”. I use this as the rationale for explaining some thin layer of safe choices I advocate ranging from getting their annual shots to not riding in the car with their head sticking out of the sun roof. I invoke it sparingly and so it tends to generate my desired response. I’m also pretty deliberate about allowing them to take risks where I think the failure is either minimal or manageable — go ahead and climb the tree (I’ll hang out below or go get ladder if we need it), try to jump across the creek (worse case, you get wet and dirty)….
With the introduction of the concept, The Elder seemed keen and The Younger looked at me and said “so I have to write something? Ugh, I hate this.”.
And so, Rule #1 is “We Keep our Team Safe”. Re-orienting my “number one job” into a shared responsibility that covers both yourself and whomever we’ve identified as the Team (which is primarily the family). Amid sibling rivalries I positioned it as “you don’t have to like each other at any moment in time, but you must always protect each other.” That got some good nods.
We’ll see if this deliberate character building has legs and how we link-and-label our actions to reinforce the maxims. I am looking forward to this.