I love that I went to St. X for High School. I remember December 3 every year because we had it off in observance of St. Francis Xavier’s death, and I loved days off. I am sure at this point I have 99% romanticized my time at St. Xavier High School. It got me into the college that I wanted. When I meet people from Cincinnati and we do the “so where did you go to high school?” dance I still get a nod of respect based on some entrance exam I took I lifetime ago. We all like ourselves and it’s easy to fall into the pattern of thinking our experiences for our children will repeat in them what we imagined they did for us, but I think that is probably naive between the differences in all people and how all of those experiences have changed in the eternity since we were molded.
It’s premature, but I’m already beginning to think about the value of single-sex/Catholic high school for The Fellas, maybe it’s being triggered by the rise of Harry Potter in the household and the questions around “would you send us/let us go to Hogwarts?”. I know a enough people who went to Choate-Rosemary Hall or Exeter or their equivalents to assess their experience and not get all Dead Poet’s Society romanticized about the experience. I don’t think that is a choice I could make to send my children away at 14. I don’t know why 18 seems better, but 14 seems unimaginable, with limited benefit.
But what about all boys high school?
I don’t think the choice was that hard for my parents (or that thoroughly thought out). It was a wildly better school than my public school, a ton of my friends were going and it was at most an additional five minutes farther from my home than my local choice. I don’t believe their motivation/insight got much past that plus maybe some naive “better school, less drugs” belief which in truth was probably “richer kids, more drugs”.
From Day 1 at St. X, the motto “Men for Others” was constant. Volunteer work was part of the fabric of the school. I was a Big Buddy (HS equivalent of Big Brothers) for four years, the “Walk for X” raised a ton of money, I canvassed in my jacket for canned goods, and I think more and more when people saw me in my dark blue jacket with the big X on the bag they expected we were good guys and ready to help. It became a self-fulfilling cycle. The Jesuit vibe also ran through the experience along topics of social justice and seeing the world as our community, not just our neighborhood. Blood spilled in Africa was no more or no less important than American blood. We had computers there five years ahead of most schools, our science lab was better, our sports teams were better, but I think those were secondary benefits.
Being at an all male school with a mission/purpose, to be men for others, molded us actively and passively over the four years together without the influence/distraction of hormonal upheaval and the presence of ladies. It was able to be balanced against the pull of sports-based school spirit because it was stated from the beginning that our purpose was to become part of the Long Blue Line of St X grads that had purpose and impact beyond our days at St. X. I want that for The Fellas, but is that part of single sex male education or was that just St. X. More tangibly today I can easily see that if The Fellas went to Northwestern and joined my fraternity that their experience would bear little resemblance to mine. It was the people of my era at Fiji, combined with the beliefs unique to Phi Gamma Delta as embraced by those compatriots that made that experience so formative. NU did a good screen to get a person of a certain mentality on to campus, and Fiji-1985 attracted a certain type of person. But it would be a mistake to think that Fiji/NU is a destination, and I wonder if All Boys High School is the same incorrect identification as a destination.
Some of this is simplified by me having a “boy” decision to make. There is an entirely different and incredible value to single sex female education that I have seen nurture some of the most incredible, strong and wonderful women through high school and/or college experiences. Perhaps earlier I should have identified that experience as part of the dating filter. Sorority life is not part of that equation, although I believe that fraternity life can be.
As of this moment, with another six years to make the decision, I think my decision will be conditional — would it be the right social, academic, sports, developmental choice for The Fellas. But what isn’t in question is the value I believe I received in character development from that experience that I must ensure is part of The Fellas exposure no mater what their high school institution. Becoming Men for Others or whatever quality human set of characteristics shouldn’t be part of the equation based on a secondary education choice.
This remains another only partially reasoned perspective that needs a lot more work — the six years will pass quickly.